Questions & Answers

God's words in Genesis 2:18 teach us that, in general, men and women have needs that are appropriately met within marriage. That doesn't mean that single persons are somehow out of sync with God's will or of lesser value in God's kingdom. We wouldn't think that about St. Paul (or about Jesus himself), would we?

Here we need to understand Scripture's doctrine of vocation--i.e., the teaching that God calls each one of us to a unique role or place in life, from which we offer loving service to him and our neighbor (1 Corinthians 7:17). Singleness is a perfectly legitimate and uniquely blessed calling from God that presents its own special opportunities for service. In fact, as Paul explains (1 Corinthians 7:8, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35), in some situations it may be that a single person can serve in ways that a married person can't.

God often calls us to different roles at different times in our life, and I can't say what he has in store for your future. But I'd like to encourage you to embrace your role as a daughter of the King who, for now, he has chosen to keep single. Undoubtedly he has done this because he loves you and those around you, and right now this is the way that you can serve him and others best.

In the Lutheran Church there is no provision for an ecclesiastical or theological annulment of marriage. This means that we do not recognize any Biblical basis for declaring that a marriage that took place never really existed, theologically speaking. Roman Catholic marriage annulments are based on church laws and decrees, not the Bible. We do well, however, to distinguish a "theological" annulment from a legal, civil annulment. A civil annulment is part of the laws of the state in which you live and those rules are distinct and clear. A civil annulment declares that while a marriage took place, it was illegal and will not be recognized as valid. If an already married person gets married to another spouse -- that is, when bigamy results, -- the second marriage is declared illegal and void.

A formal separation, whether established legally or merely agreed upon by the partners, is a legitimate action as described and with the purposes stated by you. 1 Corinthians 7:5 establishes that kind of pattern, although with a distinctly different purpose (to devote yourselves to prayer) and also with the reminder that separations may bring with them other pressures (unfulfilled sexual urges). To seek a formal separation by mutual consent as described by you cannot be classified as wrong. But this should be done carefully, cautiously, with ongoing appraisals of the situation, and renewed resolve to deal with issues in anticipation of reunion. Pastoral counseling and perhaps other professional supervision is advised.

I commend you for taking your religious differences seriously as you contemplate the possibility of considering marriage to each other. This is a most serious topic with most serious potential impact on your lives and relationship. You ask for advice, so I reply in this way:

Do not underestimate the differences between Catholicism and Lutheran teachings on the most essential and central subjects in the Bible. While there are many external similarities (liturgical approach to worship, use of trained clergy, often shared hymnody and Bible readings through the church year, for example), on the most intimate and essential teachings the two churches are quite different. How is a sinner made right with God? What is saving faith? What is the source of Christian teaching and where is divine authority and truth for God's people to be found? On these and other subjects true Catholicism and true Lutheranism are not at all in agreement. Any attempt to deny this fact would stem from ignorance or an overriding desire to compromise by ignoring reality.

Keep all your discussions Christ-centered (you used this wonderful phrase) and gospel-centered—with an eye to the question, "How may we sinners be forgiven, certain of heavenly citizenship, and joyfully confident in our faith life?" A God-given grasp on this will powerfully impact your individual lives and lifestyles aside from any potential roles as husband, wife, and parent (and friend, etc.).

Take the time to understand what each church really believes and teaches and why. Don't look for a one or two session study to clarify all issues or give the key to knowing what and why these churches believe and teach as they do. And don't be content hearing only one side or make assumptions about what you think the other group believes and teaches. Check it out through responsible sources and representatives.

Finally, should you end up not agreed and not in harmony on these key issues, do not think that your love for each other will conquer or solve the problems you will encounter. Basic religious value systems are at play here and their impact on your spousal values and expectations are profound, not to mention on your eventual parental values and practices should you have children.

You are both perfect candidates for our prayers and intercessions. May our dear Lord, through his Word of Truth in Scripture and through godly and honest counsel, grant you wisdom and eventually joy centered in the unconditional and eternal gospel of Jesus Christ!

The Bible does not stipulate details regarding marriage ceremonies or officiants. Marriage is a so-called "civil institution" that applies to human beings, that is, society in general, including unbelievers. Civil authorities, through the laws of the land, ultimately determine what is legal. When pastors and other religious personnel serve to perform marriages, they do so as representatives of the civil authorites. And if civil authorites in a particular place allow people to perform marriages who are "ordained" by businesses that grant ordinations for little more than a fee, then it is legal. Legal requirements vary from country to country. For example, some European countries require a separate civil ceremony even if a church wedding was performed.

Regarding the "spiritual authenticity" of people authorized to perform marriages, civil authorities seldom care about this. As long as the appropriate fee is paid and a marriage license is obtained, religious distinctions mean very little. Marriage, recall, is a civil institution not a distinctively religious one. It is a God-given gift for mankind, not only for believers. The presence or absence of meaningful religious components in a wedding ceremony will ultimately reflect the desires of the bridal couple and their families. But this will not in and of itself make a marriage more legal or valid.

So when Christians take care to see that God's Word and Christian prayer are a significant part of their wedding ceremonies, that is something their faith leads them to desire, not something the civil authorities call for. And when people select to be joined in marriage without God's Word, Christian prayer, or Christian pastoral counseling playing any significant role, they are merely expressing their preference at that time for that purpose. It may be just as legal as a marriage ceremony performed by one of our pastors even though not nearly as spiritually satisfying or significant from our perspective.